difference between an engineer and a manager

MR JAS · 06-26-2009, 02:01 AM

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.

“I am” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says “you must be in management.”

“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.

mr2magic · 06-26-2009, 02:40 AM

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

'What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.'

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi...

'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete ****.

mr2magic · 06-26-2009, 02:42 AM

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Colin,the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing
All kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell..

Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something.

That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?
Again, Colin said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?

Colin said,

I want the bastard that pushed me in

MR JAS · 06-26-2009, 05:00 AM

following on from tht one...

a man turns up to a police station in the middle of nowhere in the australian outback
he rushes inside and informs the officer that there are a line of aborigines standing in a line a few kilometers back down the main road

the officer explained they often do that hoping you will stop and they can rob you he furthered the safest thing to do it encountering this problem is to drive through them

and as long as you report it to him there will be no consequences

the next day the man returned with the whoe front of his car destroyed

he ran inside and informed the officer he had just run down and killed 6 aborigines the officer examined his car and coming back a little confused said the bodys explain the damage to the front but how did all those scrapes get down the side of your car

the man smugly replied "i had to go through 8 fences to get to the buggers"

mr2magic · 06-26-2009, 03:46 PM

MR JAS · 06-26-2009, 04:17 PM

this is now a politically incorect joke thread

MR JAS · 06-26-2009, 04:19 PM

ill start us off
michael jackson has requested in his will that his ashes be sprinkled on various shipping channel markers around the world
turns out he wants to spend eternity bobbing up and down on various bouys

Raptor13x · 06-26-2009, 04:35 PM

Raptor13x · 06-26-2009, 04:37 PM

r1flyby · 06-26-2009, 04:39 PM

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

Maticuno · 06-26-2009, 07:58 PM

Farrah Fawcett loses her battle with cancer and ends up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells her that she has been an outstanding person and asks if she has any last wishes before she is let into Heaven. Farrah says, "I just want all the children to be safe."

Two hours later Michael Jackson dies.

MR JAS · 06-27-2009, 01:32 AM

ok time for the worst one out there seriously

why dont 80 year old women go to a gynocologist?

have you ever tried to open a cold cheese toastie

328FTW · 06-27-2009, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MR JAS

ok time for the worst one out there seriously

why dont 80 year old women go to a gynocologist?

have you ever tried to open a cold cheese toastie

why did you post that here

Some Marriage Math(s):
1. Smart man + smart woman = romance
2. Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
3. Dumb man + smart woman = affair
4. Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
5. Smart boss + smart employee = profit
6. Smart boss + dumb employee = production
7. Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
8. Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Men Are Just Happier People
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* You can never be pregnant.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack.
* You never have strap problems in public.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You! are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Finally lets add some religion since its not PC

Roses are red
Violets are blueish
If it wasn't for Jesus
We'd all be Jewish

Mister2.2 · 06-27-2009, 04:24 AM

Since Jackson was mostly made out of plastic I hear they are going to melt him down and make legos out of him, now children will get to play with parts of him instead for a change.

328FTW · 06-27-2009, 05:28 AM

Dead Michael Jackson Jokes | DeadMichaelJacksonJokes.com

Wow that took about a day

Whilst Micheal Jackson was being rushed to the emergency ward he regained consciousness, he asked the paramedic "Have I died and gone to heaven?" the paramedic replied "No, were just going through the childrens ward."

Note: Micheal Jackson did make some good music but in saying that I also can't pass up the chance to really take the piss while I still can about wacko jacko

MR JAS · 06-27-2009, 07:20 AM

omg in all seriousness i just watched the news and there were a whole lot of people at the holly wood walk of fame dressed up as him...
you know your not doing well as a black man when the white people put make up on to make their faces even whiter
wtf i loled hard

328FTW · 06-27-2009, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MR JAS

omg in all seriousness i just watched the news and there were a whole lot of people at the holly wood walk of fame dressed up as him...
you know your not doing well as a black man when the white people put make up on to make their faces even whiter
wtf i loled hard

OWNED

traintech86 · 06-28-2009, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MR JAS

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.

“I am” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says “you must be in management.”

“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.

Wow QFT!!!

Recklesss · 06-29-2009, 03:28 PM

Guy walks into a bar and sees a sign on the counter that says "Free drinks to whomever can pass the test".

Curious, the man goes up to the bartender and asks what the test is.

"First you gotta drown this bottle of pepper liquor. Then, you must go out back, my crocodile has a sore tooth, and you must remove it. Finally, there is a 90 year old woman upstairs who has never had sex, you must go make sure things are right."

"That's rediculous, no one in their right mind is going to do any of that."

But after about an hour and a half, the man comes back up to the bar and says "Wheres dat likurrr at?"

Sure enough, he downs the entire bottle in one swig, and proceeded to march right outside. The entire bar hushed as there was a horrible ruckus coming from behind the bar. After a few minutes, the man staggers back inside, bloody and beaten.

"Are you allright?" The bartender asks.

"Fine Sirrr!" The man says. "Now wherz dat woman with the sore tooth!"

MR JAS · 06-29-2009, 07:42 PM

a man is sitting in the back of a bar with a tableful of strangers playing a very expensive game of poker
as the night drew on they were getting rather drunk and roudy
nearing closing time the man walkes over to the barman and says sir i want to make you a bet. i bet you $10000 i can stand on the bar and piss into that large glass behind you there without missing a singe drop.
the barman being the betting sort and seeing the man could hardly stand accepts the bet

the man gets onto the bar takes aim and starts pissing completly missing the glass as he trys to keep balance he ends up pissing all over the bar the bar man the floor and even the roof

the man gets down and shakes the barmans hand
the barmans exstatic hes just won $10000
then he notices the man is extremly happy aswell
he says what are you so happy about you just lot $10000
the man replied yes but i just bet each of those 6 drunk millionares over there $100000 each that i could come over here piss all over you and your bar and you would smile at me and shake my hand

06-26-2009, 02:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
MR JAS bought 200sx ->feel dirty Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: hamilton new zealand Posts: 564 Thanks: 11 Thanked 11 Times in 10 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	difference between an engineer and a manager A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.” “You must be an engineer” says the balloonist. “I am” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.” The man below says “you must be in management.” “I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?” Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.

06-26-2009, 02:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
mr2magic deutsch type skillz Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Hannover, Germany Posts: 1,059 Thanks: 93 Thanked 42 Times in 38 Posts My Google Map iTrader Rating: (3/100% )	The taxman cometh At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?' 'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.' 'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?' 'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.' 'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?' 'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi... 'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete ****.

06-26-2009, 02:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
mr2magic deutsch type skillz Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Hannover, Germany Posts: 1,059 Thanks: 93 Thanked 42 Times in 38 Posts My Google Map iTrader Rating: (3/100% )	Colin the aborigine A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin,the only aborigine in the neighbourhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in. The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing All kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell.. Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish. Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin. The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?' 'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin. The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options? Again, Colin said "No." Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want? Colin said, I want the bastard that pushed me in

06-26-2009, 03:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
mr2magic deutsch type skillz Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Hannover, Germany Posts: 1,059 Thanks: 93 Thanked 42 Times in 38 Posts My Google Map iTrader Rating: (3/100% )	LOL!

06-27-2009, 04:24 AM	#14 (permalink)
Mister2.2 Cheese it! Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 6,357 Thanks: 113 Thanked 111 Times in 96 Posts Blog Entries: 1 My Google Map iTrader Rating: (3/100% )	Since Jackson was mostly made out of plastic I hear they are going to melt him down and make legos out of him, now children will get to play with parts of him instead for a change. __________________ --Josh MR2Trader.com Free Accounts to Buy and Sell your MR2 Parts! Ask me about Web Hosting Solutions, starting at $5.95 a month. 'I am at two with nature.' 'Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.'

06-26-2009, 05:00 AM	#4 (permalink)
MR JAS bought 200sx ->feel dirty Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: hamilton new zealand Posts: 564 Thanks: 11 Thanked 11 Times in 10 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	following on from tht one... a man turns up to a police station in the middle of nowhere in the australian outback he rushes inside and informs the officer that there are a line of aborigines standing in a line a few kilometers back down the main road the officer explained they often do that hoping you will stop and they can rob you he furthered the safest thing to do it encountering this problem is to drive through them and as long as you report it to him there will be no consequences the next day the man returned with the whoe front of his car destroyed he ran inside and informed the officer he had just run down and killed 6 aborigines the officer examined his car and coming back a little confused said the bodys explain the damage to the front but how did all those scrapes get down the side of your car the man smugly replied "i had to go through 8 fences to get to the buggers"

06-26-2009, 04:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
MR JAS bought 200sx ->feel dirty Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: hamilton new zealand Posts: 564 Thanks: 11 Thanked 11 Times in 10 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	this is now a politically incorect joke thread

06-26-2009, 04:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
MR JAS bought 200sx ->feel dirty Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: hamilton new zealand Posts: 564 Thanks: 11 Thanked 11 Times in 10 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	ill start us off michael jackson has requested in his will that his ashes be sprinkled on various shipping channel markers around the world turns out he wants to spend eternity bobbing up and down on various bouys

06-26-2009, 04:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Raptor13x Legendary Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Farmington Hills, MI Posts: 4,001 Thanks: 7 Thanked 40 Times in 34 Posts My Google Map iTrader Rating: (5/100% )

06-26-2009, 04:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
Raptor13x Legendary Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Farmington Hills, MI Posts: 4,001 Thanks: 7 Thanked 40 Times in 34 Posts My Google Map iTrader Rating: (5/100% )

06-26-2009, 04:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
r1flyby No Skills Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: long island, ny Posts: 27 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts iTrader Rating: (1/100% )	Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he replies. "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher. Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off." "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds. "Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?" The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream." Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

06-26-2009, 07:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
Maticuno Park Ranging Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: California Deserts Posts: 260 Thanks: 14 Thanked 23 Times in 15 Posts iTrader Rating: (2/100% )	Farrah Fawcett loses her battle with cancer and ends up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells her that she has been an outstanding person and asks if she has any last wishes before she is let into Heaven. Farrah says, "I just want all the children to be safe." Two hours later Michael Jackson dies.

06-27-2009, 01:32 AM	#12 (permalink)
MR JAS bought 200sx ->feel dirty Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: hamilton new zealand Posts: 564 Thanks: 11 Thanked 11 Times in 10 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	ok time for the worst one out there seriously why dont 80 year old women go to a gynocologist? have you ever tried to open a cold cheese toastie

06-27-2009, 05:28 AM	#15 (permalink)
328FTW Get your -_- face on Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,177 Thanks: 17 Thanked 130 Times in 114 Posts My Google Map iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	Dead Michael Jackson Jokes \| DeadMichaelJacksonJokes.com Wow that took about a day Whilst Micheal Jackson was being rushed to the emergency ward he regained consciousness, he asked the paramedic "Have I died and gone to heaven?" the paramedic replied "No, were just going through the childrens ward." Note: Micheal Jackson did make some good music but in saying that I also can't pass up the chance to really take the piss while I still can about wacko jacko

06-27-2009, 07:20 AM	#16 (permalink)
MR JAS bought 200sx ->feel dirty Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: hamilton new zealand Posts: 564 Thanks: 11 Thanked 11 Times in 10 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	omg in all seriousness i just watched the news and there were a whole lot of people at the holly wood walk of fame dressed up as him... you know your not doing well as a black man when the white people put make up on to make their faces even whiter wtf i loled hard

06-29-2009, 03:28 PM	#19 (permalink)
Recklesss Ruler of Signatures Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oregon Posts: 419 Thanks: 7 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	Guy walks into a bar and sees a sign on the counter that says "Free drinks to whomever can pass the test". Curious, the man goes up to the bartender and asks what the test is. "First you gotta drown this bottle of pepper liquor. Then, you must go out back, my crocodile has a sore tooth, and you must remove it. Finally, there is a 90 year old woman upstairs who has never had sex, you must go make sure things are right." "That's rediculous, no one in their right mind is going to do any of that." But after about an hour and a half, the man comes back up to the bar and says "Wheres dat likurrr at?" Sure enough, he downs the entire bottle in one swig, and proceeded to march right outside. The entire bar hushed as there was a horrible ruckus coming from behind the bar. After a few minutes, the man staggers back inside, bloody and beaten. "Are you allright?" The bartender asks. "Fine Sirrr!" The man says. "Now wherz dat woman with the sore tooth!"

06-29-2009, 07:42 PM	#20 (permalink)
MR JAS bought 200sx ->feel dirty Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: hamilton new zealand Posts: 564 Thanks: 11 Thanked 11 Times in 10 Posts iTrader Rating: (0/0% )	a man is sitting in the back of a bar with a tableful of strangers playing a very expensive game of poker as the night drew on they were getting rather drunk and roudy nearing closing time the man walkes over to the barman and says sir i want to make you a bet. i bet you $10000 i can stand on the bar and piss into that large glass behind you there without missing a singe drop. the barman being the betting sort and seeing the man could hardly stand accepts the bet the man gets onto the bar takes aim and starts pissing completly missing the glass as he trys to keep balance he ends up pissing all over the bar the bar man the floor and even the roof the man gets down and shakes the barmans hand the barmans exstatic hes just won $10000 then he notices the man is extremly happy aswell he says what are you so happy about you just lot $10000 the man replied yes but i just bet each of those 6 drunk millionares over there $100000 each that i could come over here piss all over you and your bar and you would smile at me and shake my hand

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